I am really pissed off with my reality , my behavior and with my stupid carefree ways that I use for most important things in life. I feel like a jackass!

I ask myself a question, Why am I living this plastic life? Why I am not sure of what I am?! Why I am not working towards a common goal ,like all? Do I even aspire to do anything in life? Or I just want to act a thing for a few days , live it , enjoy it and move on !?

I want to break free.. I want to have my aim \aspiration\goal\mission so that I work towards it and later enjoy the sense of achievement !

I wanted to be so many things, as per the situations and the situations only made me change my mind and do what I was shown way for ..and I shamefully called it Destiny ! As far as I remember, the thing that became my turning point was NLIU Law entrance. It made me realise many things in life. But, am totally unsatisfied with my carerr graph the next year. I should have tried in law and not in MBA. The bottom line is , I want to pursue MY GOAL. I want to live the feeling of achivement ..

Its my final year of MBA only 6 months to wind up the course..and if you ask me what big thing I did in this course? Then , I have a shameful bow head in front of you.I don't want to be called useless,stupid,average female ! I want to break free my image...I want to achieve something for myself..I want to cry for my happiness...I want a day ..

And, for last 6 months of my academic life..I am going to give up everything that is important to me..to get THE MOST IMPORTANT in life.. I want to break free the average image..God help me fight this war for myself ,many of my debts will be paid..

Happy Diwali to all...

Its been couple of months, that I didn't blog about anything. The reason is, I was busy exploring my girl side ! Don't get starstruck! I actually had great time these 2 months.. I enjoyed the beauty of laughter , beauty of sleepless nights, beauty of being a female,beauty of exploring myself...it was a blessing. The spark was good , we connected , we liked to know each other , we were at our best..or may be not..may there was lot to be explored..

But..my liabilities really made me think of and pinch myself asking, 'what am I doing now?' Its not that will take me to my dreams , it will not let me be what I hv been waiting to be for last 23 years of my life..I have to be on my own, I have to pay debts of my parents ,I have to make them proud n happy and I have to live too many dreams..I can't stop by now..

I did nothing..to stop by though each day it was my wanderlust but I just could'nt give up the best thing I got in a draw! My each blink makes me think today..why am I not moving forward, when things have moved on?

The 'priceless' thing is no more with me...I sob , I think, I sob, I pretend, I get hyper moody,I get frust ,I sob this is what's happening to me after that. Btw..I nvr gave up that thing , it was taken away from me and given to somebody else..who actually dosen't deserve MY THING.

I wonder sometime..am I that bad or too good? I forgive and I am trying to forget but I can't put a mask for a long time..I can't pretend things are ok, when they are not..it frustrates me, suffocates me , make me feel like a begger ..

Hope..this diwali turns out good for everyone...n I'd always miss my thing...which is no more mine...

I thank all my frnds esp. anu,nisha,randip,swats,mik, for helping me ..being with me..but I still wrapped in it guys ..

Life has been cruel to me time n again but it has never been so beautiful and yet distressing at the same time. At the same time ,I m screwed badly in life. Things came to me in a flash and took away things from my hand..I don't regret for what is gone because I've got the best thing ever , in return of it.

For a month, I lived amazingly , enjoyed best moments of my life , explored a lil more about myself and what my closed ones think about me as an individual and how my past episodes can come in question , which were never ever complicated , but now they seem a bit.

I've got a wonderful gift in this past 1 month, it was a destiny gift to me or may be you can term it as a compensation to what Tsunami caused me 3-4 years back. I was happy , excited and feared. I couldn't understand why these things happening with me and they seem so destiny prone.

I took baby steps and then completely tried to blend my self into the enigma that came to me as my life compensation , with so many beauties wrapped with it.Yes, I lived it, the best part. But, somehow figured out later it isn't not for me may be, coz things started getting unrest as happiness got expanded the supply of troubles got increases day by day , it didn't quiet seem like destiny thing for a while but it was a DESTINY decision.

Now, when human mind fails , the suffering increases and you still want that thing in your life..u need to believe on something called 'SERENDIPITY' and I can do nothing but do the gambling again...that if its meant to be for me , destiny will make its way in my life again..

I realised within this one month , who are my real friends , how my life is programmed and how a small trojan can ruin me in a second , if I've no good advisory board :) Thankfully, I'd greta set of people with me who made me understand 'What are my needs'..thanks guys.. n bhai

To my reciever, I'd just say...it was amazing with u , I'd the best time with you, I am heartly sorry for my misdeed but from teh bottom of my heart say I would wanna be with when destiny wants us to be together..that's why its Serendipity......Thanks again... Cheers to life

You may assume that I am sad with the fact, that first time in life I've been detained [D] . Now let me define what Detain is ,in my college. A student gets a D , when he\she has less than 75% attendance in a particular subject. Before, you take your thinking pas further, let me tell you the explanations.

In my whole student life , I was never detained or was never out of class due to my short attendance.But, in my last academic course at P.G level I got a D! I am quiet shameful about it, and I've been detained in my specialization subject Advertising! That's even worse to realise...

The most striking reactions that I got on this D was from my professors ,they were quiet taken back , that I could be so not-a-good-student! I mean common there were so many students he dint turn up to the class, but only I was detained with 2 other guys!! Its GROSS!

But, as my fav Proff. said that time , while she was inquiring in surprise , did I bunked classes for movies or what! While I replied her , stating I was never detained ever in my entire life, she inspires me a lot everytime and this time she again had something new to make me learn , she just quoted , " Experiences are important in life , they make you live it better". I truly admire her and now even more...I respect every bit of advice she gives me and wants me to be like...I secretly wish to give her a huge surprise that makes her realise that she inspired a right student...

Thanks Mam

P.S: This D experience in life, I think will definatly make me do something biig...I get a strong feeling about it...lets see :)

Hey Hey..I've grown much older now...23 ! Phew..I can't blve but that's the fact :)

U know when year go by..u dont feel ur b'day is ne more special...once a frnd told me this, who completed his 30 years a year back! And, I laughed on his face...but today i realise his agitation n pain n watsoever..

So far, no even my best frnd like brother dint even wish me neither did my dad... and as I dont posses a bf so that corner is also not there...frnds are there but due to some friction last week everything depends on instincts..no probable plans for the days..also also some Grahan is there so after 5 Pm I can't party...and frankly speaking m not happy on my bday...I feel bored and neglected..and certainly I don't wish to party like daily I feel...this is how a person probably reacts when he's 23...

Thanks for the wishes of frnds n loved ones... :)

I am very much emotional right now and I thank GoD for giving me a life like this ,where I've met and have in my life some of the gorgeous people in the world!

I just can't stop talking about khokho ,he tops the chart in any list! khokho and I ,the relationship we carry is amazing and unique in its way.Nobody could ever digest how our association made so much of difference in our respective lives and ,in and around our friends and family.I feel elated and I want to admit I have been very very lucky to have a friend,father,mentor,guide,brother like khohko....

I demand a lot from him and he tries often to fulfil but when I am too demanding and not sensible from his point of view he screw me really hard; he can upset me and and he will be blabbering all shit and bad bad bad things! But, still I find him good later and he makes me teach life lessons this way.

I respect khokho and relationship we've with each other. There are times when khokho was not in his best form and was unstable with life , when I see him weak I get unsettled for not being able to do things for him but just the fact that we are forever there for each other,makes us strong and he regains his strength to work better ,and become the best .

I've seen him falling and getting up thay fast.I thank life, for giving me khokho and I pray to god to help him reach out his dreams .... happy father's day khokho .I love it ,when you are happy and giggle like a horse! Hugs.

khokho is ma ROCKSTAR!! I mean ,words run miles away when I thinnk about goodness of khokho. He's just so amazing and vibrant and sparky and intelligent and humurous and umm the best guy available on earth for any girl!! Oh u bet!

It feels lucky and a matter of pride to be known as his sister. I am getting very emotional right now, thinking about his goodness to the world at large, to family and to his frnds. I have been discovering parts of khokho day n night,everyday and each day I find him getting better and better.It amazes me ,how fine one can be..and trust me I not flowing in emotional stories but objectively I can say he's actually the guy u've just read in good novels or may be bad novels too :P

hehe. khokho and I am very kool with each other ,we share thousands of things in a day or may be in an hour! I usually get carried away with humor n laughter but khokho is kinda 200% sincere guy than any normal human. I mean he's just the ideal guy, like how a guy should be!

I always tel him my choice of guys , that I like , u know just eye tonic types and he just pass it on.From a few days I've been very frequently getting loads of eye tonics :P and he's so pissed off with me ,that he was ready to slap me for saying it again!! And, he hates me doing orkutting :

While ,today I saw him in real bro mode ,he was no less than Rocky Balboa , I mean so far i've seen him teasing me ;others, cracking high -voltage humorous jokes ; fine quality of sarcarsm ; and lately a bit of anger but today he was turning into action hero. He combed his wet hair back ways and was wearing a dark marron saturn shirt with demins and to increase the grace he had his classic flotters . We were driving back from somewhere and stopped in a Dhaba for refreshement.

There's a famous Dhaba chain ,called 'Pappu ka Dhaba' , it was that only. I ordered a thumbs up and he , a tea. Then some labour type guy came n sat opposite side of me with a Camera Phone and I got the idea, he's clicking my pics . I told bhai and he did nothing then , but later he became so so monstorous , that the guy ranaway taking his cell phone. I never saw this brotherly part of him before. I am quite amazed after that incidence and khokho mein baat hai :P haha ladka yehi hai!!

khokho and I were in a mall , a few days back , we had loads of fun and had lunch .khokho had to leave for a meeting at 4:3 pm and I was adamant to stay back , so I snatched away his glasses and he kept begging me, to give it back. I was having fun of my life! :P He played a trick, he snatched away my-emotionally-attached-bottle and gave warning he will throw it away ,if I did'nt gave his glasses. Then , he snatched my handbag , now he can't throw that!!! But, he can !

He threw my bottle away and I got red angry ,then he started laughing like a devil and again asked for it. I had to give it back and he left. I was red hot and went inside the mall. After an hour , I left by bus and he called me in mid. Guess what? He said , he's coming back to the mall. I took another bus and got back to the mall :P hum dono munn se hi chalte hia :P hehehe , finally he paid off for his deeds , by making me buy stuff and ye he can make me laugh!!

love u khokho, u r the world's best BROTHER!