Random Thoughts..

Back after quiet a long time..yeah? I m just too lazy these days...partially b'coz all day am at home and also b'coz am not needed in most of the things. I am in total mod of sarcarsm.Forgive me, but I've no place then my own blog , tat can really find wisdom even in these thoughts! So, all set to get wierd ..out n out. Here I roll..

Feeling good about yourself changes your whole life- but how can you achieve that? I never gave a damn it. I was free as a berdie.Lost in my thoughts , in my small world with a few ppl I like ,doing a few things that I enjoyed and learning those things which I really thought are worth to be. But..but this world is not that easy to live.The more you meet, the more you think about things.New ideas, aspirations, ambitions ,desires pop in your head and it is a Mass Distraction!

A vast number of books have been written on the subjects of feeling good,achieving success,realizing dreams ,offering solutions packaged in every possible format. To amaze you, I tried n explored many! What really happened with me? I m the next inspirational guru..yeah?! Ain't satisfied for sure...an author always leaves a reader with many mystical questions behind and to soul like me , who reads , then think , then explore ,then realize you can't really save your a**. In my case , the more I find answers to philosphical questions the more,I delve deep into the mysteries of the subconcious mind.

The simple question that always hovers my mind ,' Can I really feel good about myself?' Its an outcast thing for me. May be its some fault with me or all are like this.What can make u feel good forever? Some stupid sites always asks you in the mid of high rage,' What turns u on? n What off?' Makes me blink for hours n hours. I like ice-cream the most , but after a day ,I again feel like eating more n more and after 4 days I feel monotonous! So, this isn't making me happy forever. Second most ticked answers 'friends' .Purlezz...this is such a hide n seek option , that I am never confident about.. whether it turns me off n on or to my friends. Problems are there n are always b'coz of ME .Taken at discreetion.Its better to take blame ,if taht what satisfies other. But, I can't no longer stand for that ,either.One statement on my self-respect n be ready for an encounter,I am too fast n furious for that. Seems I am writing 'About me'. Its good to be honest to oneself.

Just before writing this post, I was playing some online game.I like Play Station 1 & 2 and have spent my childhood in Video Games.I thought, picking games after a while will make me happy. I tried them, won in most of them and found them too kiddish to continue..

What really satisfies me at times is, helping others ,making them feel good about themselves.I did this,and was everytime indulged heartly but the result really gives hurt.People in this world are different.One may take it as help ,other will think some other thing. And, an emotional buff like me ,can't tolerate ignorance.Its a fact.Its good am telling this publicaly, at least no regrets will be there for future. Helping others..does give me the power, enthusiam ,a reason to smile, to do well .Its a fuel for me.My blog is really going wild today not 'rot' [:p]

Freedom..Fanily..Friends..etc there are lot many things that's gonna churn up my mind.Its gonna fame and defame me. I do bother coz I am a person from th society.I believe in serving others.I admire honestly in thoughts.I don't want anyone to dance on my head or else I can really go wild. I care ,I am protective.I believe n accept what others have to say, and give my inputs if that can help them too..

I am emotional , but in most situations I hide them b'coz my past lessons binds me and give me fear to showw off. I do regret for not showing them and spend time analysing things,had I done.blah blah.My family, they are very very important to me.I do any insane things with them.They bear me,entertain me,stop me,scream at me etc. But, I have never been so expressive to them in my love ,that I always wanted to give them . My mom, always give me a shoulder when am in anger or crying or for anything but I've never gathered guts to admit her a Thanks.If I hug her sometime, she thinks am in too much of pain ,so I can't even do that. I don't want her to think about me so much.Though she always does! Likewise, some days back I got her flowers .She loves Red Rose. I was very mushy on that day but was feeling shy ,coz I never did it for my mom. My sis has always done this part and she's a real choco n expert in doing this. I am a real fool . Anyways, the moment I bought the flowers 120 people asked me various questions, 'For whom r u buyin them? Have u got a bf? You got a date today?n my sis ,dad they were red hot to see the flowers! ' Reason , I never went to flourist. I wrote a note and put it in the flowers saying ' To my loving Mom , u r the best .Thanks for being there.Sorry' I was shivering as if what!! I gave her the flowers and ran off to my room.She read , liked the flowers ,hugged me n asked why did you got the flowers? uhh....now what can one answer here! I smiled and said, 'we'd a fight n I am really sorry' . She caught me , and said 'we fight daily..then y today?' Thanks to the call that I got from my dad. I was just about to break out!

So, that's me... n here I end my 51st post of the blog with my Random Thoughts!:) :D