Desire to re-live..

2011 my first blog post in the year.

Writing seems to be a healing therapy for me.Every time I write something it spells out my grief and I feel relaxed.I have just come back from the roller-coaster ride of 'True Love' yes the 2009 'Serendepity' continued till now and each day I went in deep waters to know the beauty of it but the ending is still not perfect and the reciprocation is still awaited with the hand of hope.

Thoughts in my mind now...just too many clashing with each other to fight and win over one another.No calmness . Some hope.And blink in my eyes.

Some thoughts provoke to get rid from the passion of love but then the mind-setter announces again 'Love is once' and I re-think of going back..

Happiness has a two-way supply just like love...if one stop other dies.Wishing for miracles as I am penning down my thoughts a strong thought is coming out which screams in my head 'Get back your hope' but mind says 'Cry like a river then build a bridge to get over it' .Now stuck between the heart and mind both are mine still so different..they fight with each other but then they complete me of who I am..

The Feeling Factory !

I look outside the window and see lush green grove of tall mango trees.Its like a musical orchestra where sound made by birds,squirrels,cats and rats give a start to a rainy day. As we wait for the sun to come it reminds me of the cursings my friends and I use to give in summer for scotchy heat and making difficult for us to survive .But, as said ‘absence make you grow fonder’.It really makes me miss the sun !

Coming out in the balcony gives me cold breeze on my face, and make moment light.Green is hence the colour of peace. Green Peace \m/. As I stand and enjoy in my balcony I get all the green sustainable ideas and then I realize how lucky I am to live in a green and clean environment.This gives me a ticker to work with a organization that take care of the environment externally and internally. When on job search most of your thoughts are job-driven!

Watery blue sky up above me which gradually looks like bright white.Gives a perfect rainbow of Green and White colour.Playing with colours I think is the best things after photography to express your emotions. I feel like clicking now and capturing all the thoughts but I am in short of a good digi cam.Plan to buy a Nikon D 90 once my job is there.Wish I had one now , coz now I have ample to time to experiment and learn.

The rain starts and with a wish to a cup of Capachhino and a novel to read I move into the room and proceed to my main door.I take my rolling chair that dad got me last month and pull it outside to sit and enjoy the rain with the novel only.Reading is the best therapy to happiness or to extend happiness. As I read, I hear voice of a flute like voice from the plants by the rolling chair. I struggle to find out what it is.It shows me a baby bird ..which looks incredibly cute and thrilled or shocked to see me. Fascinated with the view I realize she needs help.As I try and get the things to help the baby bird my mom inquires and share a fact ,if a human touches a bird then the mother of that bird kill the child herself.This is not what I want !! So, I look for a way out and finally get papers, a piece of bread for her to eat and a box where she can live comfortably.

The baby bird struggles to walk and I see she has a hurt feet and its making very difficult for her.My excitement rises what the next move would be? Then I remember a Khushwant Singh story where Grandma use to sit in the balcony and wait for the birds to come and feed them. After a time, grandma dies and bird keep coming. The story was something like this. Literature is actually the best thing that gives voices to human feelings.

My view got interrupted as I had to take my sis and drop her and some house chores my mom assingned.When I came back home, the baby bird was missing and it troubled me but it did taught me a lesson or I should say I got a very short slide show of a human struggle in life. Sometimes in life realization of feelings make u realize what u should do next in life! This is feeling factory ! J

Adieu from ME to U

I really don't feel emotional right now ..I am hurt but I am happy to be free and live for myself entirely once again. Its not at all my cup of tea.I give up with all my will. I can't carry on with something that dosent give me my basic respect n some care . I believe there are lot more people around me , who know me from years or just met 2 months back ,they love me for what I am. And, I love the way they love me !

I seriously have no views to share , I am happy to end it. Life has more to give me in coming days in terms of career,family,friends. I am waiting to live it up all ! Hardwork in the process,will bring results for me :)

It can be one situation that I might miss but u have left with enough memories to dislike u and I will use them to delete u ,rather than restoring u!

Deja Vu

Rings after Rings , giggles after giggles ,and endless soothing chats with no specific motive is one of the most fantastic ride , a person can get with a person u want to be. We all go through this. I've left my footprints and I don't want to leave any.

Damn ! I get the same thing as I got couple of years back , this time it seems more ugly but comfortable coz probably I m use to this type of situation .But, how long will I be vulnerable to this kind of situation? I mean c'mon I need to make my life stable n beautiful I can't be a shit pot for anybody , thinking they are good to me and live life for me!?!

The recent experience has left me numb but mood swings , and ego are popping out every second. I can't understand this and I don't want to discuss this entire thing either because it makes me feel ugly and I look down upon myself!

I blve I live a great life, with my wonderful parents n extended family and who can forget the amazing friends I've got ..they make my life live better. Do I really need a special someone to react ,second time? Probably, when everybody is busy with their significant I would want to. But, I am probably not the right person to get along normally with anyone.Quiet a demanding and execptional case I am .

I m a perfect crab. Hard outer shell and soft inner side.The one who understands my best ingredients will get my love.Or else I will go to the one , my parents ask me to.I am certainly not a metrosexual female .I am a feminist and am happy being by what I am supposed to be.I would be India's exeptional businesswoman who can't be tied with strings with anyone.

But, u know somewhere its bad to feel if the past comes back , and this time it has been a photocopy in phokat .Right now, I feel like doing some magic to my cell phone , that it starts buzzing again and things get normal.But, will that make me happy in future. I can't bully anyone.

Saying move on, is the coolest statement but doing that is the next tufff thing after topping maths paper for a commerce grad! Let me say last words...I will move on !

Burn the crackers...

Happy Diwali to all...

Its been couple of months, that I didn't blog about anything. The reason is, I was busy exploring my girl side ! Don't get starstruck! I actually had great time these 2 months.. I enjoyed the beauty of laughter , beauty of sleepless nights, beauty of being a female,beauty of exploring myself...it was a blessing. The spark was good , we connected , we liked to know each other , we were at our best..or may be not..may there was lot to be explored..

But..my liabilities really made me think of and pinch myself asking, 'what am I doing now?' Its not that will take me to my dreams , it will not let me be what I hv been waiting to be for last 23 years of my life..I have to be on my own, I have to pay debts of my parents ,I have to make them proud n happy and I have to live too many dreams..I can't stop by now..

I did nothing..to stop by though each day it was my wanderlust but I just could'nt give up the best thing I got in a draw! My each blink makes me think today..why am I not moving forward, when things have moved on?

The 'priceless' thing is no more with me...I sob , I think, I sob, I pretend, I get hyper moody,I get frust ,I sob this is what's happening to me after that. Btw..I nvr gave up that thing , it was taken away from me and given to somebody else..who actually dosen't deserve MY THING.

I wonder sometime..am I that bad or too good? I forgive and I am trying to forget but I can't put a mask for a long time..I can't pretend things are ok, when they are not..it frustrates me, suffocates me , make me feel like a begger ..

Hope..this diwali turns out good for everyone...n I'd always miss my thing...which is no more mine...

I thank all my frnds esp. anu,nisha,randip,swats,mik, for helping me ..being with me..but I still wrapped in it guys ..

The first time....

You may assume that I am sad with the fact, that first time in life I've been detained [D] . Now let me define what Detain is ,in my college. A student gets a D , when he\she has less than 75% attendance in a particular subject. Before, you take your thinking pas further, let me tell you the explanations.

In my whole student life , I was never detained or was never out of class due to my short attendance.But, in my last academic course at P.G level I got a D! I am quiet shameful about it, and I've been detained in my specialization subject Advertising! That's even worse to realise...

The most striking reactions that I got on this D was from my professors ,they were quiet taken back , that I could be so not-a-good-student! I mean common there were so many students he dint turn up to the class, but only I was detained with 2 other guys!! Its GROSS!

But, as my fav Proff. said that time , while she was inquiring in surprise , did I bunked classes for movies or what! While I replied her , stating I was never detained ever in my entire life, she inspires me a lot everytime and this time she again had something new to make me learn , she just quoted , " Experiences are important in life , they make you live it better". I truly admire her and now even more...I respect every bit of advice she gives me and wants me to be like...I secretly wish to give her a huge surprise that makes her realise that she inspired a right student...

Thanks Mam

P.S: This D experience in life, I think will definatly make me do something biig...I get a strong feeling about it...lets see :)

khokho ki Achay-E-yaaN!

I am very much emotional right now and I thank GoD for giving me a life like this ,where I've met and have in my life some of the gorgeous people in the world!

I just can't stop talking about khokho ,he tops the chart in any list! khokho and I ,the relationship we carry is amazing and unique in its way.Nobody could ever digest how our association made so much of difference in our respective lives and ,in and around our friends and family.I feel elated and I want to admit I have been very very lucky to have a friend,father,mentor,guide,brother like khohko....

I demand a lot from him and he tries often to fulfil but when I am too demanding and not sensible from his point of view he screw me really hard; he can upset me and and he will be blabbering all shit and bad bad bad things! But, still I find him good later and he makes me teach life lessons this way.

I respect khokho and relationship we've with each other. There are times when khokho was not in his best form and was unstable with life , when I see him weak I get unsettled for not being able to do things for him but just the fact that we are forever there for each other,makes us strong and he regains his strength to work better ,and become the best .

I've seen him falling and getting up thay fast.I thank life, for giving me khokho and I pray to god to help him reach out his dreams .... happy father's day khokho .I love it ,when you are happy and giggle like a horse! Hugs.

Crush on Delhi...

I preety much like this popular Book title Crush On Delhi ,these days. Well, I even mean it, I also 've a crush on delhi! Actually, NCR! I have my escapades here,everyday. But, time constraints are very much there.Still, I manage to make it to the most and enjoy the heat,zest for life, feel the passion of life, discover new dreams n desires and so much into it, that no trouble or interupption can stop the traveling endeavour..

Isn't it Wow!?! Well, I like /love traveling . I've been challenged by near and dear ones to travel alone but don't they know I can do it , in fact I do that quiet often! Its very sad to admit , but my ppl don't get excited for traveling or make plans that excite me for traveling and trust me that piss me off big time! I feel like running off to the Indus Civilization, at least there I can explore somemore things and later it'll be embossed, in golden words , in the history books! :P

Anyways, I jus pray the guy I marry is a traveling freak! Is Vasco-Da-Gama alive!? He will only come with me to voyages,of course with good amount of experince :) Yeah ,Vasco? :P

Coming to the topic of the day. On sat, I wanted to travel around and my Tauji n R.D can no bear my passion for traveling . They don't like it at all. And, when they don't like this , I don't like anything to like! Much-aA Chaos! It was sat and all , a weekend when every couple want to hang out and every single approaches for a date and every boss clears up with pending meeting of the week and every brother gives u excuses ,to make his weekend rosy with his gf. So, I was a lonely traveler.But, I did'nt turn back and go home.

I reached the bus stop at 10 Am and the first bus that I saw , I hopped into it. I thought , goign to metro will make my plan much better and give me good options to travel around. I
ve already had lot of C.P , which is the safest and kool place in Delhi one can go. I took a metro feeder bus to Yamuna Bank , near by metro station but I mistakenly got down at Shastri Park Metro , which is very far off and it near by JNU . It took me 1.5 hours to reach ad that day I was feeling ill.

I'd to visit JNU but there was no direct public transport service to reach there , I wud have to change buses 2-3 times. And, it was risky. I called khokho and told him about it , he hads no solution and asked to go back home. Totaly unacceptable opinion. Later, I called Kanika she's a gr8 pal in Delhi. We had plasn to meet but her classes were there,which are only on weekends , so she very kindly asked me to get back home safely and we will make plans this upcoming week. Going back home? I am not doing it. Have come so far, taking pains to enjoy my journey ,I thought. After 20 mins, I asked girl in the metro ticket counter to tell me route to Chandani Chowk.

I tell u what, every morning Dilli-6 title song comes and it excites me from top to bottom and I observed very keenly the red fort and chandni chowk area in the music video. I havn't seen the movie. But, in childhood , when I was 10 or 11 years we visited Red Fort and Chandni Chowk Street. I don't remember anything from that trip.So, it was a good idea to visit it again and alone to explore more of it.

Now, there's a catch .Station like Shastri Park,Yamuna Bank dosent have direct metro to Chandni Chowk Metro .So, one has to go till Kashmiri Gate and then again take a metro to Chandni Chowk. I did'nt quiet understood the concept initially but after going to Kashmiri gate 4 times in a day , I understood what a Yellow line is and what Red Line is!

I reached Kashmiri Gate, it was one station from Shastri Park Metro ,then took an underground metro from Kashmiri Gate to Chandani Chowk. On reaching Chandni Chowk , I saw a huge crowd using metro and its very useful for Delhi Junta-very kool and convenient to travel.But, at times yellow -red line sucks!

Chandni Chowk isn't a safe place, and u've to takecare of ur stuff and of urself very much. Anything is possible there. I met two ladies on the way who came with me , to do shopping from there. They had some marriage at home.But,we departed soon coz I was not in a mood of shopping from there. They guided me way to Red Fort ,Market and a famous Gurudwara,there.

I covered all three, very well and enjoyed it. Trust me Chandni Chowk is not a place for anyone who dosen't know to bargain. You will entire life laugh at urself for paying so much and not bargaining it! Its warning. I had my fun in Chandni Chowk but that was not enough to satisfy.So, I got back to C.C Metro and found the nearest place to roam about and Rohini came out to be the only option.

Rohini is East and West.Rohini West has better stuff to look upon. I was in the misconception I'll get direct metro to Rohini but yes I was wrong, again I will have to change metro from Kashmiri Gate. So, I took a full ticket to Rohini. Got down at Kashmiri Gate (K.G) and fastly boarded the Rohini Metro.

Met a school girl in the metro , who was returning hom after giving her medical entrance exam . Her name was Timsy- a greek princess. She was going to Rithala. I asked her about Rohini , what malls and all are there and she decalred it has nothing but apartments, it'll be best if I got to Rithala instead. I took a snap decision and decided but issue was my ticket .She even had a solution for this; if at all we reach a station less than our ticket price , we can refill it and take exit .It has no issue.

So, I had to pay Rs.3 extra and I got down at Rithala, we took a Riksha togther and Timsy dropped me to Metro Walk .On the other side it has got an amazing Adventure Park , but u need company for that and if u r traveling alone its like curse :( I missed khokho n frnds there .Wish they were there.

Metro Walk was boring it has same stuff and added thingie was there was no shade ,its like a street where u can walk! duh! But, if one goes in group of frnds or with family , its a treat. To me it wasn't. After spending 2-3 hours there I was hungary and went to Mc D .Had the regular junk and msgd khokho if he's free. I somehow was feeling very bad and wanted to meet bhai.But, he was not free and the conversation went cruel coz of my demand..

I took a metro to K.G again from Rithala.Then got the new shock of the day , there's no direct metro to Yamuna bank from K.G . To reach Yamuna bank , I will have to go Rajeev Chowk Metro . Trust me , it was stupid. I had no options ,I wanted to be safe and this was the convenient option I 'd.

I took a direct ticket to Yamuna Bank from K.G. Boarded a metro for Rajeev Chowk from K.G. Reached Rajeen Chowk. Inquired the platform no. for Yamuna Bank Metro. Boarded the Y.B Metro and finaly phew reached there.Thankfully, coming out I got the Metro Bus feeder to my home and I reached home.

This sounds a bit complicated but I am quiet proud of myself for experiencing this and understanding more about life, ppl and traveling. I enjoyed it. But, an emotional pain was there..crush in Delhi! Get the gap? :P

Sportsbar Contra-Controversy!

Those , who are religiously reading my blog , I've to say do comment , it'll make me learn do formating :P hehe . Coming to the note, u must known by now how much craze I've to visit a Sportsbar.

Now, those who have visited a sportsbar , please please do tell me what exactly is a sportsbar. I looked over the net for the meaning of a sportbar and I got zilch. My cousin caused a fury the other day , when I asked him to take me to a Sportsbar , near our house and he went hazy ,almost preached me for 1 hour ,sitting next by him in the car, is crime ,that too alone! huh

Can u blve it , I compromised Sportsbar with Dominos Veg extravaganza! R.D is very cruel at times he took me , and was busy in a business call. It was so so annoying but he took my pic ,while chit chatting from his cell phone! And, this devil showed is colors ,when he asked his business associate ,if he has ever been to a Sportbar and made my fun in front of him ":( Moron!

The other day ,I searched on the net about the near by Sportsbar .And, there was a Sportsbar in Sec-38A ,Noida , in The Great India Place Mall. I asked Nisha , if she wanna join in. She nodded a yes and we had our plan set.

At 6pm, we left the office ,yesterday (21.05.09) and took thankfully after waiting for a il while got a direct bus to Atta , which is opposite to Sec-38 A. By the then , tauji called me , where I am and how much time it'll take to come home. He got quiet disappointed, when I told him about my this plan.He could'nt say more than , 'ok come soon'.

Nisha and I had no clue ,that Great India Place is opposite to Centrstage Mall , in Sec-18. Thankfully , we reached Great Mall. And, trust me it is so far the best mall I visited in Noida .Great architecture, great barrings , beautiful concept and various outlets to choice from may that be in the category of food , clothing or accessories.

After crossing the floors escalators by escalators ,we finally got the Sportsbar! Its next to Big Cinema Theater. In the front u c Dhoni standing with his hair wide open :P in red and white shade . A very summer shade.

We peeped inside and it had a huge section of bar and in a small corner there lied a Pool Table, Casino like thing next to it and all GUYS! They all seemed like gay to me :P hehe

We had no guy with us.so we quit it , and moved by next food corner , Pind Baluchi this is based on the concept of Punjab and serves punjabi food. It has got best food at good rates. For South Indian ,the best is Sagar and being big fan of Chinese I even had many options to eat from.But,I wanted to try Thia Food or Mexican.

Later, we end up going to a Food Court ,called 'Spoon' . And, had a pizza . It was 8 pm by then , Tauji again called me , this time in aggression. And, asked me to call R.D if he can pick me. I ignored calling him coz he already gave me huge preaching the other day. After a while,R.D called me himself, inquired where I am. And....he started...he said all things that could screw me hard.Blah Blah Blah. And, he was red hot angry.

I msgd him sorry and he said , he will come after an hour to pick me.Nisha lives in South Ex. She had to leave coz if she leave at 8pm ,the only she will reach home by 9:30PM.So, we inquired about the bus,that she can board. She had to take a bus till rajnigandha and then another bus direct to south ex.

A lady met us on the way, and asked not to go alone that way,at least not by walking.So, she took a bus and thankfully she reached home safe. By the then, 'd to wait ,1 hour alone. So, centerstage mall wa best n safe plce to hang around. I could have talked with khokho by that time , but I had a huge fight with khokho :( He's bad**

And, R.D was already angry with me. Both brothers ,both are sweethearts and both are a fast turn-on devils! huh. R.D B'day is around.So, I though i'd but something for him.

I looked around, wanted to buy a wallet for him,though I've gifted him once.but, later went to Archies .And, thought of giving him a Sorry card. I got a beautiful card very very cute and man would melt away , but this moron ! grrrr

Also, I saw a very cute froggie ,which I assumed will make him laugh.I was out of cash but still I managed to buy that stuff , under the sorry category ! He reached to pick me. I got into the car , and in a very dramatic way gave him the two packets of Archies.

First , was a card , which he did'nt like at all and blowed me , why u bought it, its a waste for me etc etc. I felt very bad, but did'nt show it to him. Second , was froggie . He opened it and started criticizing , what the shit is this ,he was not at all happy and was moreover disgusted.

I felt extremly bad and a tear got down my eyes. He saw it and asked what happnd? I refused to answer and kept looking outside he window of the car. At the same time , remembered khokho. And, thought why my brothers have turned so different for me. R.D asked me a few things on the way, about office etc. I did'nt answer , I disliked talking to him then:(

I got back home, tauji called me , gave me gyan about delhi and its unsafe surroundings. He's more kool than these brothers! I went back to my room.

R.D came and asked me to come for dinner ,later tauji emotionall blackmailed me and called for dinner. I cannot make him upset .

Today morning, r.D had meeting at 7:30 Am ,he asked to come with him and I had no wish to go with him.I refused and will go alone.Tauji ,dropped me to stop , thankfully I got a riksha but at 9Am , the traffic is huge and it gets very difficult to board a bus and reach on time.

I got stuck in a traffic jam, then khokho called me and I again had a fight with him , he banged the phone and it ended.But, tell u what my mood is very volatile! Even khokho n R.D knows it ! :P

Going away from home.....

ok am EXCITED!!! and i have no clue how to start or end it but i do know ,now am in very much spunk and spark!

Its my 3rd Day in NCR. On 11th May 2009 I reached here with my 'Tauji' coz my dad cancelled his ticket in last moment due to the exurtion he will have and also coz one of our family member was admitted in hospital. I was hell annoyed coz of this and 4 times me was my khokho annoyed!

I have to admit , this is my first ever stay alone outside, the prelims we can say to IIT-KGP visit ,where i had Su and her Grandpa , which is equal to family
,and that trip was just for a week!

And, this one is for 6 weeks! i.e 1. Months! Hard for me, but all frnds, relatives, well wishers were happy that finally i'll be seing e real world! And, every minute that I spent here , I remember the wisdom my frnds gave . Thanks to all of u :) A special mention to Randip Sir aka Ricky ,my khokho is forever there and my frnds Pagare,Sikander n my sis Tinu , my mum-dad!

AS I reached station , I realized am actually leaving for interns to Delhi! My mum pushed dad to hug me...as he hugged me I got to stick to him for 15 mins and was crying !! Somewhere, I was happy that no distance or difference is there between dad n me.I love that moment and will always thank my mum for making that happen`:)

Now ,if I cry , my sis , my mum n on that even my Tauji cried with whom I was going! So, call it love of the family! After boarding the train, I msgd my dad to thank him ,to let me go and show trust in me.Love u dad!!

Also, in the main Bhopal Junction Ricky met me with Neetu ji , which was a great meeting both of them n they both were looking great together!!! Wish them luck for life :)

I willkeep posting about my 6 weeks interns here in Delhi . Just keep looking for it and miss u all , do put up ur comments here coz Orkut is blocked in my office :( n i used all hit n trial nothing helps!

love vj

My kHokHo

I start my day with 'khokho'. khokho is a Super Human. I got him ,and that's what makes life lucky ! Khokho ,is extraordinary than the rest in this world.

As per Wikipedia, Kho Kho is an Indian sport played by teams of twelve players who try to avoid being touched by members of the opposing team, only 9 players of the team enter the field. BUT, a biiig BUT this khokho is not THAT khokho. Its playground is not rectangular but a vicious circle! The circle moves with two phases emotional and a zest to live life,to the fullest!

Khokho dream to be a military man and a business man. He prefers the latter however, more important. To adjust, the loss of military man he can marry a daughter of a Military Man! Khokho has excellent skills. He can beat anyone ...yea anyone with his knowledge- a wide and practical one. A biiig CRITIC is KHOKHO ( he will even criticize this post! @#$%) My khokho..is a great father ,his kids will be the luckiest on this earth.BTW, Khokho will have two kids ,there names would be 'Munn' and 'Garv' -Garv se badhkar kuch bhi nahi ! Khokho's wife will be prohibited to drape Sari !

Khokho has no word like 'S-a-T-i-A-f-A-c-T-i-O-n in his dictionary. He will reach Mt.Everest and will still say ,it was just 'ok' !And, will find out something more exciting then and there! Khokho loves South Africa ! But, he aspires TURKEY or ROMANIA to be his land for Honeymoon! You bet, he's adventurous! KHOKHO watches a lot of movies!

Khokho dosen't have flat abs :P BUT he's health concious :) My khokho, is a multi-tasker he can shave,brush and read newspaper at one go! He sleeps, only for 4 hours in a day and works all through the day activily . Khokho is a girl's charm. He's so adorable that everygal would run after him but he will still act very nice to them.And, then again gals will not forget him! Khokho is perfect for any gurl, he will turn a B****H into an angel ! Quiet hypnotic :D

Khokho has a very good heart. It has to be handled with care. He's going to keep his girl like a QUEEN. A man of principle ,who set aside his wishes to achieve his dreams. He has the power, vision,courage,determination to achieve what he want in life. He fights back the hard path so well that even bad days seem good.He plans and he works out.sure as hell he's FOCUSED. He can be a ANYTHING.

My dearest KHOKHO has survived the wrost episodes of life and has come up as a WINNER again and again to live life and be the King! He never STOPPED life despite crying over life like others he motivated not only himself but others who come in his life. Every day for him is a new day to achive biiig in life! At times, he does feel a bit low but once he gets his 'bachi' :P he's back to planning and working and implementing.

There is so muucch to write about MY KHOKHO , that this life will be less. But, for now I takecare of your patience and drop you into a world of KHOKHO. But ,there's more to come about khokho, in next post, keep it up!

To me , kHOkHO is a FATHER who teaches me best lessons of life also give me wild drive into a different world ,a BROTHER who points out right and wrong in me , a FRIEND - the one I never got in life!

Love u kHokHo ! You are the best !

P.S: KHOKHO will burst at you if you call him KHOKHO :P . he loves me ! he he

Changed Voice..

Looking outside my room's window I see a twinkling star in darkness , which reminds me of positiveness in life. I never saw anything so beautiful , that was just so visible from my home ! I admire this.

When I get up early morning , these days , my thoughts are very neutral. As in, they don't pull me towards anything ; probably the passion is missing , also the day gives me headache , this actually sounds weird even to me ! I drag ,I drag and I drag.

By the time ,noon takes it turns I surely have had one or two arguments. Which makes me feel hostile, a bit gloomy , sense of reconciling everything and then next thing that comes to my mind is sleep or go out for traveling ! I may, do any, depends on mood and situations after arguments!

I seriously, miss my reading :( , miss my tving , miss my chit-chatting on phone/net ,miss my music !! But, I just don't feel like doing anything, the vary feeling irritates me , annoys me , pesters me , after all , why I'll do past-time things when for the moment, they are not so favorite, to do ! Feels soooooo...bad and sad saying this now :((

Then , by eve I try to catch up something good ,which lets me at least count this day to be lived. So, I go online and look for things that I should be doing etc . Forgot to mention , now even orkut sucks biig time ! In fact , all networking sites or anything of that sort!

Nothing , much is achieved even by that. Then , I get a strong urge to go and play some sports , something like squash ,badminton or basketball or even running on the athletic tracks. I always found , running and playing ,is a good mental exercise ,which broadens your thinking and calm you down ,so that you can think ,what you actually want to and you get a sense of positiveness and No Confusion ! [Courtesy : Bingo Chips !] But, the big dope here is 'Permission' . Sadly, due to rules as set by my Daddy Dear I can't step out after 6 PM ..Oh yes laugh it off !! Who cares ! grrr

By night, I get so humiliated by rules, laws and regulations and the grilling hot sentences , that I have no more urge to live the day ...I just fall aback on my bed ,taking my pillow and with my vibrating cell phone.

One good thing , that happens in all day long is taking to my bhai ..within a flash of time he makes me experience things which I think ,I'd have never known or faced .This man is a genius ! He can fix problems like that, he can give u snapshot of everything ,that is in this world and his emotional level is also very very good . He does knock me down but he's a real sweetheart.[Any girls ,interested in him ,please contact me :P lol ] Ayush bhai ,love ya lots ! Thanks a lot for making things easier for me ! May god bless always.

And , with all this the day end and starts again...

Btw, the reason I wrote this blog post is only because of that 'twinkling' star by my window , which gave me positiveness and the boost to write a new year post ! :) I've been thinking to give my readers a surprise with something new ..I hope you all like it ! Do comments folks ;)

Happy New year ! :P

Some things always come to an end....

"Some things always come to an end...."

I strongly believe in this most common saying , quiet recently. Dating back since my school days I never believed in it. I was never so practical to make a mind set , that those friends u make in your school time..will ever leave you..I knew they are studying with me for next 14 years and it is more than satisfying one could get.

But, in my Grade 7th ,I made a friend who was a good friend .She was just like me..but too loud and mischievous and use to bully others...I wasn't such type , though. She and I were seating partners in class 7th and 8th. She was a mighty figure. I could never forget her..though we departed after 2 years. We even had bad fights ,but my liking for her never got shaken. I liked the kind she was. But, she surely was not my type. Then , I realized a few things about life ,people,friendship et al.

In my 11th class , I met a new specie of people. A totally bifurcated caste n crew of our batch , which i never looked upon. All my friends took Maths /Sci but none wanted to take Commerce. It was me , who decided to take commerce +C.Sc and continue studying in CBSE Board . I love CBSE Board .Ashok Ganguly, Rocks! :) This is the man ,whose brainchild always fascinated me about his ideas on innovating education and its ways. I like it, thats all.

So, in 11th Class I'd new people ,new subject, new teachers ,new set of mind and yes new friends. I guess ,these two years of school life I was serious for studies,rest I was never ! I grommed myself to the best. I saw life changing its pace..friends changing their dialects....everything was a new experience and I lived it. Life was still too unpredictable for me. After 12th, I got my carrer. the kind of carrer I wanna be in. Law. I found myself, never so dedicated and head strong. It was a passion.My days n night were spent thining ,eating ,drinking ,talking law. It was a magic. I wanted it badly. I performed well. In 20 days of prep , I could manage a good score and missed my merit by .05 marks. This was disastrous! I still get shivering when I think of that day...its encrypted in my mind n heart forever . After that I cried, I cried and I cried. I filled only one form of Law ,only because my maternal uncle asked me to,who was himself a judge.

My dad, never wnated me to take a drop year and sit at home. that time , there were no coaching for law in my city. He was'nt even ready to send me out for coaching. It was a big mess for me. I can call them my wonder years. I enjoyed the beauty ,the power of my dreams. It was a new me ,like never before. I became quiet. Nothing in my head could make me happy apart from law ,law talks,law people. Yea, I was crazy. in my commerce college, which was forcibly decided by my dad ,I did not interacted with classmates there for 1.5 years. they knew me as a quiet girl, who dosen't talk, reads newspaper ,always carry an oxford dictinary and reacts only to professors in class. May be ,I was punhsing myself .But, that was me. Later in 1.5 years I met Su and Tej and they became my friends. Tej is still in touch but Su..she went her way and we never became friends again...it was sad but some things always come to an end...she taught me to accept the reality of life. Grateful to her.Thanks buddy :-)

Later, I met a friend who was not of my age or my stream or anything. Everything was unplanned ,even our friendship and even our depart. Yes,even departation happened here too...and again my mind says no matter how good things are or the good memories they give they ALWAYS come to an end...because they are ought to end ..so that new things can come in our life and we can be loving and faithful to them..

Last note in this post, I misss all my friends who departed fomr soem reason or other...but they always remain in my heart ....things end with a bad note only but within our heart I can never loathe the poeple I once loved..thats me !

Love u all my pals :) Miss u all :(

Life moves on...

'Life moves on' .....

I never believed in this phrase truly..it was moreover a filmy phrase for me.U hear and u flush it out. But, quiet recently, this has been apt in my life.The reason I accepted this crude fact ,is because of some of the most beautiful people I met in my life and they left .And, they retorted like this ' Life moves on..and then it becomes easy to live it up'

I have been hurt a lot but I wanted to recuperate each time this happened ,to know the next phase of this hurt ,in my life. I wanted to know myself. Today , I can say .I love my silence. I explore myself and its amazing to know your self each day a new thing about you , of course some good people in ur life show u that path.All thanks to them .

After every death, there is a birth .Likewise, after every mournful day ,there is a day of happiness when you even enjoy your remembering about your sorrows..and thus life moves on...

So , silly is life,where will I reach.But, I respect this life. I am positive ,it just I've more hunger to live it in a productive way...doing all a human can do!

Cruel Melody..

Black Light Burns photo 2007
from left: Wes Borland, Danny Lohner, Marshall Kilpatric & Nick Annis

The Biography of Black Light Burns

Los Angeles, California USA-based Black Light Burns is the new project from former Limp Bizkit guitarist Wes Borland.

The group, with the debut album "Cruel Melody", brought many talented musicians together to create a very unique Alternative-Metal Industrial full-length disc; the studio version of the band consists of Borland on vocals+guitar, longtime Nine Inch Nails accomplice producer bass guitarist Danny Lohner, keyboardist Josh Eustis and drummer Josh Freese best known for his work with A Perfect Circle. The touring line-up features Borland, guitarist Nick Annis, bassist Sean Fetterman and drummer Marshall Kilpatric.

Now, what I liked is, this song, 'Cruel Melody'. Just have a look.Enjoy.

If I could paint your picture
I'd paint you as the sea
I'd let you become the tide

If I could fall into you
I'd let you swallow me
So I could see you from the inside

And it's a cruel melody
That you sing when I'm away
Trying to find where the sun shines
In a land that's turning gray
And it's a cruel memory
To look back on who we were
'cause my past is a poison
And I'll never find a cure

If I could break a promise
I'd tell 1000 lies
To have you look at me agains

But your heart is empty of me
I see it in your eyes
It wasn't meant for me to win

And it's a cruel melody
That you sing when I'm away
Trying to find where the sun shines
In a land that's turning gray
And it's a cruel memory

To look back on who we were
'cause my past is a poison
And I'll never find a cure

Take me away, I might as well be yours..

Aunty Climax ,dated 21\07\08

When you decide to lead the orchestra you have to learn to turn your back to the crowds.

I read this somewhere and quiet liked it.It means, if you face criticism and yet continue doing what you believe in ,success will be yours for the taking.Quiet enchanting...isn't?

Coming back to today's extra proverbial title! My bubbling b'day passed with a cold breeze.Nobody was interested to give me gifts ! I loathe all on tat day! In fact, in my 21years of life its never happened in my life,that my parents wouldn't call it a party.It really felt now I am adult!

My best frnds ,chabbs n tej .They both just can't take each other.SO, I'd to throw two seperate parties ! They both are close to me and I did'nt wanted to celebrate my b'day without any of them. My lovely dearest,Chabbs! Really disappointed me.And, I was super angry on him which continued for next 4 days and this time he was incredibly very patient ! I don't how he din't blurted off! And, his gift is pending..mein leke rahungi ..koi doubt mat rakhna!!

Tej is a sweetheart , she is blunt but so amazing n good at heart.Mind u, she is one person who'll do the most dare things.To tell one.All my good friends,Tej;Swati;Chaitu;Tinu we all went to eat outside on my b'day and to have some fun we started playing 'Truth n Dare' .The most common yet most popular game!

The first thing came to me,by spinning chaitu's cell phone.I'd to choose truth or dare.I was anonymousily not allowed to take truth and thus had no option but DARE. I opted. And, my loving Tej ,asked me to go to the guy sitting diagonally to us and, ask his name, number and eat from his plate ! This sounds gross! And, the first thing came to me, the guy can have Tuberculosis. I completely denied doing this.And, asking his name ,number..my foot. Tej got fussed up and said, lets leave when you don't wana play n all...later I challenged her to do so...n u bet she did it!!!

Although, later the guy got after her, to get her number but she had solutions even for that. So, our evening star that day was 'Tej'.After ,some photo sessions we went to lake ,did soem tafri n came back.Thanks to all my friends, they made me feel good about this day:)

My relatives, they hardly made any appearance .I cut the cake ,with my parents and later my Paternal Aunt and cousin came .At 11 :00 pm I slept. So boring...was this!

My sis ,really gets my nerves .I gave her a look and she made me believe she'll give me my gift.And, guess what 3 days back ie. on 24 july.She got my due gift.And, told me I got three days late so u get three gifts this time !! ahhhhh...love ya sis. Her gift included all my fav things.. An Oxford Dictionary +a cool shirt +a watch ;which she mentioned she'll use :p The other dy, my relatives called me , to take away my gift and they gave me a dress material. I am happy with this. thanks thanks n thanks

But, chabbs won't leave you. This dymbo gave me a list what all I've to present him. And, one day before my b'day he told me I am buying something for someone..n I did had bulbs lighten up.So, I was relieved but this idiot ..grrrr. Otherwise, he's good.

I gotto share this breaking news, coming in.I've been selected in the Library Commiittee with 3 other gentlemen. This committee ,will decide what books should be added in the library n withdrawn and other stuff. So, I hope a new experince out of this. And, recently I got a new hairstyle which has so far made a good impression on people around me :)

27-07-2008

Bubbling B'day!

I am just one day away to mark myself as 22 years old! Must admit, in childhood we want to grow as fast as we can , but when actually we grow , its something that we avoid most and look back to those young ,colorful years left behind.

So, far my b'day's have clinged into some or the other tragedies in family.So, din't quiet a got a chance to celebrate it in a biig way.But, this year I was curious enough to throw a party for my friends , b'coz I've never had such a good combination of friends in my life before and frankly speaking I wanted to enjoy this moment with them!

On 6th july 2008, I got a news ,that one of my M.B.A Aptitude exams is scheduled on 19-20th july 2008 due to modification in the selection procedure! I felt like killing them , for bringing such a bloody, stupid,inane modification in the mid after 2 months of application submission! But, then anyway I'd to give this test.My dad convinced me and I got ready.And,told my friends party may or may not happen due to my unforseen exams! I went to the test centre on 19th july 2008 i.e yesterday and these ppl put up a notification saying " The exam is postponed to 26-27july 2008 due to some unforseen reasons.Any, convenience is deeply regretted ." Can u bet that! I swear, for a moment I thought should take this test any seriously furthur or not!

Now, in such a short notice, how will I plan that biig party for my friends! Add to spiece , now my dad wasn't convinced about this party idea ,somewhere outside home.And, I wanted to go outside! I did not argue, coz I knew he would listen to me but may be his mood isnt good at the moment. One of my best friend,called me asking where's the party n all and I was clueless..

Later, at night around 3:00 am dad got a severe pain in his hand and stomach.We took him to the hospital and I was damn panic! By god grace, two injection worked and he did not got admitted.Thank You ,God.


Right now he is able to sleep and will go for test this 20th morning and then doctors will suggest what to be done next. I want him to get well soon...I'll not fight with him anymore and will listen to all he says..BUT,I just want him to get well soon and healthy! Love u Daddy!

Don't know what tommorrow i.e 21st july my b'day is gonna be like...just dad should be fine ,next year I'll put my plans into actions. I learnt one thing so far,very clearly if you are positive in your thinking you can step furthur and can concentrate on your good points..

And, my lovely most dearest friends I am so sorry for not throwing 'that' party but am sure you guys will understand and will make me happy! The only special day in a year :p

Teri Yaadein...

Ok..now don't mull over..whose 'yaadein' it is! [:p] This is one particular hindi song that has really ringed me up these days..beautiful lyrics ,great composition ,amazing music ,defining true love..as ppl say! As , this is one of my fav song too.So, I wanna share this with all of u...

I hope u'd like it..The female Version of this song is much better than male version sung by, KASEER KHAN. Anyways , here it goes...

Teri yaadein, mulakaatein,wo raatein aur baatein,

teri saansein, wo baahein,ab mujhko yaad aayein,

tere bina mera jiya,sataaye kyun piya,

yaadon ne teri mujhpe,ye jaadu kiya re,

teri saasein, wo baahein,ab mujhko yaad aayein,

wo adaaon,ki ghataayein,mere dilko chhu jayein,

pyaari,ye duniya saaari maine,hai tujhpe vaari,

dil ne,mere dil ne tujhse yaari ki baazi haari re,

tere khayaalon me,khayaalon me..bus tum,

meri nigaahon me,nigaahon me..bus tum,

waapas aa jaao…..

mere paas,tum sada,

waapas aa jaao…..

mere paas tum sada..

suna mera jahaan,bhoola main hun kahaan,

jaana hai jaane jaan,tera rahoon,

piyaa…..piyaa…….

waapas aa jaao..mere paas tum sada,

waapas aa jaao,

mere paas tum sada..piya tera jiya..piya tera jiya..piya tera jiya..

tu hai kahaan..

tera karoon intezaar,

tu mere dil ka karaar,

itna hai aitbaar,

maanoonga na main bhi haar.


This Song is From Love Story T.V Serial ,directed by Anurag Basu.
Here ,you Can Catch up with the ViDeO oF ThIs SoNg

Tears

Tears
Its the expression of pain ,that keeps love alive forever,

Tears
Its the happiness of achieving our long awaited success ,

Tears
Its the relief for a broken heart ,

Tears
Its the regret ,that questions our soul , 'what made you do this ,when heart didn't wanted to happen?' ,

Tears
Its the inspiration that boost us to give life another chance and to move on for a better life , keeping memories crucified in these precious tears..

Tears
Its the conversation we make with our minds for an infinite search.. lost in daze ,

Tears
Its the fear of loosing our friends, who have always been there with us to share joys & sorrows of life ,

Tears
Its the turmeric, that binds our faith together , for love will never die ..

Tears
Its our peaceful stupid-cupid search for our eternal flame to ..to take a new birth ,

Tears
Its a sacred souvenir from a bride to her parents, sister ,brother and relatives ,that always keeps her remembrance in their minds ..

Tears
Its the character certificate ,that spells a devil is not that bad as he seems to be ,b'coz he also got a heart to be loved ,

Tears
Its the cause and effect process , where one is there to make you cry and the other to wipe off..

Tears
Its the silent love for some but its also a curse that holds you behind ..to express your love .

"Tears" ..this is the first ever poem written by me in entire life. Those know me well, must be stunned to see this. But, those who don't they may try or try to quit, knowing me. .

Even though it sounds crazy...the truth still remains.