The Feeling Factory !

I look outside the window and see lush green grove of tall mango trees.Its like a musical orchestra where sound made by birds,squirrels,cats and rats give a start to a rainy day. As we wait for the sun to come it reminds me of the cursings my friends and I use to give in summer for scotchy heat and making difficult for us to survive .But, as said ‘absence make you grow fonder’.It really makes me miss the sun !

Coming out in the balcony gives me cold breeze on my face, and make moment light.Green is hence the colour of peace. Green Peace \m/. As I stand and enjoy in my balcony I get all the green sustainable ideas and then I realize how lucky I am to live in a green and clean environment.This gives me a ticker to work with a organization that take care of the environment externally and internally. When on job search most of your thoughts are job-driven!

Watery blue sky up above me which gradually looks like bright white.Gives a perfect rainbow of Green and White colour.Playing with colours I think is the best things after photography to express your emotions. I feel like clicking now and capturing all the thoughts but I am in short of a good digi cam.Plan to buy a Nikon D 90 once my job is there.Wish I had one now , coz now I have ample to time to experiment and learn.

The rain starts and with a wish to a cup of Capachhino and a novel to read I move into the room and proceed to my main door.I take my rolling chair that dad got me last month and pull it outside to sit and enjoy the rain with the novel only.Reading is the best therapy to happiness or to extend happiness. As I read, I hear voice of a flute like voice from the plants by the rolling chair. I struggle to find out what it is.It shows me a baby bird ..which looks incredibly cute and thrilled or shocked to see me. Fascinated with the view I realize she needs help.As I try and get the things to help the baby bird my mom inquires and share a fact ,if a human touches a bird then the mother of that bird kill the child herself.This is not what I want !! So, I look for a way out and finally get papers, a piece of bread for her to eat and a box where she can live comfortably.

The baby bird struggles to walk and I see she has a hurt feet and its making very difficult for her.My excitement rises what the next move would be? Then I remember a Khushwant Singh story where Grandma use to sit in the balcony and wait for the birds to come and feed them. After a time, grandma dies and bird keep coming. The story was something like this. Literature is actually the best thing that gives voices to human feelings.

My view got interrupted as I had to take my sis and drop her and some house chores my mom assingned.When I came back home, the baby bird was missing and it troubled me but it did taught me a lesson or I should say I got a very short slide show of a human struggle in life. Sometimes in life realization of feelings make u realize what u should do next in life! This is feeling factory ! J

Look Sharp, Live Smart

Hi folks,

I have been away from blogging for a few months now. And,to do a confession I always thought how bore and pseudo my post are, I mean they are just negative.Nobody told me this, its my analysis.After analysis, I thought lets adopt change and post something that makes more sense to others and is useful and is more fun !

The good thing is circumstances supported me for the change I wanna bring ! I logged in to blogger.com this morning ,coz I was getting bored and wanted to try n do something new basically do something expressive.I logged in and got this new template designer.I wanted to change the template as well -that rusty brown which was very personalized and shadowy template and it was all about mourn.So , I picked two template to choose from -One was Rain Droplets from Awesome.Inc and other was from Picture section -this Art based template .Which I picked and applied because now I want to talk about my hobbies ,interests, traveling,cities,books, philosophy and on some real good experiences of life!

I am happy about it ! And, the tag words are 'Look Sharp,Live Smart! LoL some fundas to start with :P

Want to break free...

I am really pissed off with my reality , my behavior and with my stupid carefree ways that I use for most important things in life. I feel like a jackass!

I ask myself a question, Why am I living this plastic life? Why I am not sure of what I am?! Why I am not working towards a common goal ,like all? Do I even aspire to do anything in life? Or I just want to act a thing for a few days , live it , enjoy it and move on !?

I want to break free.. I want to have my aim \aspiration\goal\mission so that I work towards it and later enjoy the sense of achievement !

I wanted to be so many things, as per the situations and the situations only made me change my mind and do what I was shown way for ..and I shamefully called it Destiny ! As far as I remember, the thing that became my turning point was NLIU Law entrance. It made me realise many things in life. But, am totally unsatisfied with my carerr graph the next year. I should have tried in law and not in MBA. The bottom line is , I want to pursue MY GOAL. I want to live the feeling of achivement ..

Its my final year of MBA only 6 months to wind up the course..and if you ask me what big thing I did in this course? Then , I have a shameful bow head in front of you.I don't want to be called useless,stupid,average female ! I want to break free my image...I want to achieve something for myself..I want to cry for my happiness...I want a day ..

And, for last 6 months of my academic life..I am going to give up everything that is important to me..to get THE MOST IMPORTANT in life.. I want to break free the average image..God help me fight this war for myself ,many of my debts will be paid..

My FishBowl

My Fish Bowl

I am a non-veggie.But, I never tried eating sea food.Ye , not even fishes! There is a reason to it,in childhood my paternal aunt was very keen to make me taste her delicious fish curries. She did convinced me for her Chicken Curry and I loved it.But, with fish curry I really could not make up mind.Because ,I saw a blooded fish in my maid's hand and I got scared! That's my childhood story.

Later, many of my relatives called me for fish parties and were very insistent to make me eat fish.But, I always ran away.Yes, I ran away! They were amazed to find a non-veggie like me who likes chicken and meat but not a fish ! Even aphorisms like 'A fish makes your mind sharp' were made often and now to inspire me for eating it . The bottom line is, I never considered eating fish or for that matter sea food in my life.Though, Roadies did inspire me sometime back, but that's worth it, isn't?

Coming to my new hobby or introducing my new pets. I have got fish(s) as my new pet. I wanted to keep them ,though the vary idea of changing the water of the fishbowl ,every week ,did stress me ,but after one trial I believed I would do it.

Keeping fish in a fish bowl is probably the simplest way you could keep a pet fish in your house. As its simplest form, all you would need is the bowl, fish, water, and food. For the right conditions and right fish, life in a fish bowl isn't terrible. It isn't terribly exciting either!

The history of keeping fish for either food or as pets goes back at least 4,000 years. The Chinese have a long history of keeping fish inside in containers. Supposedly Madame Dubarry, Mistress to King Louis XV invented the glass fish bowl sometime in the mid 18th century.

My mom, never agrees upon any pets .I love dogs and she even discards that :( She also have a logical reason to this, as in who would take care of our pets when we go on tours or for outings.The result would be, they'd die !And, at no cost I would want that to happen. I do connect with pets :) And, with dogs I love talking to them , playing with them, cuddling them and everything .I simply, love dogs .Can even make voices like them,that of a puppy .Hehe

Back to fishes ,guys ! I've got 5 fishes and 2 fish bowls.The golden fish is named Meethi. The others are named by my sis and I really don't understand why she kept so difficult names for the pets ! I won't name them, coz I don't remember the names ! Also, as she says there is one male fish ,who is every time dominated by other female fishes.So, we truly admire chotu,yea that's the name of this black-male-fish. They are cute. The best thing is ,watch them eating there most awaited fish-food ,which I daily do.Its my duty,coz I get them at home !


In idleness , I gaze at them,smile at them,mull at their life.It relaxes me.I feel good.Also. gradually my mom started liking them and declared we would keep fishes and buy them new bowl and she was very happy with it. Every relative, friend,neighbor,stranger that come to our place was amazed to see them and was aspired to keep fishes at their home ,as well.This was good.My home , was a live PlayStation !

Today, in the morning I felt like changing the water of fish bowl,which is very delicate and big to handle.I was preety confident ,I'd be able to replace the fishes and change the water, which got very dirty. As I took them ,and handing carefully to the tap.The fish bowl ,got broken up into pieces and the fishes , they were dying out of water !! I was alarmed, panic,nervous,mournful.I realized, I love them now ! And, can't see them dying ! I screamed ,call my sis ,she just woke up with my scream and tried her best to put back the dying fishes back in the water. Fortunately ,mom was not at home. Otherwise, things would have been difficult. I swear.

Somehow, the fishes were transfered to a bucket and I cleared up the mess and the broken bowl. I was mournful.And, my heart beats were high .Again and again there was a flash of dying fishes in my eyes.I was sooooo sad and depressed. Later, I just went back to the tap and saw ,one fish out of the bucket ,she was dying. I again screamed and this time picked her to put back to the bucket.I guess ,she jumped out of the bucket.

Fastly,I got the new Fish Bowl from a friend. Put the fishes,back in the new bucket.My sis was my moral support and she played a spartan ,in here ! And, gave me lots of fundas early morning !

My mom, did got the info and she was disappointed with me and wanted me to give away the fishes.As of now, the fishes are safe , mom is cool headed but I am a bit panic. I never want them to die or go away.I love them .

I am DEAD.And,I RE-BORN again to live..

I have died.I was not in shape to handle rest of my life sensibly and possibly in a condition of living it happily. I had to end it. I've killed myself. And,now I am dead. Nobody should cry for my death ,but only ME.Because,I want to get up myself.I want to be a new human,a new person with new life.

I have killed all those tiny ,small,large things that have bothered me for long and have put me in question whenever I confronted myself . I believed, things that never existed. I was too overdriven to see the reality myself. Many people, helped me showing that but I never took it because my heart was not ready to accept it ..i am so very thankful to them for being my guiding and apologies for not respecting their sincere advices. Today,I got the reality out myself .I feel glad I did it. I did stumble but I have also reached this day when I am with guts and will to kill myself

My life, was too good the way it was,so far.I loved myself for being whatsoever I was and will always.But , I'd to DIE to take a new BIRTH ,so that I can start on with a new life.This can be said as, I've taken Mercy Killing.I'll end the best part of me ,because that's the reason which made me feel/see/face the worst part of it.

With my new birth, I will live.Live to the best.Its difficult ,very difficult but I can't be fooling myself anymore...I have got all my 'assumptions' cleared.I was so very wrong.No one , is to be blamed..for my death its me who demand and take this bravely. Don't cry for me.

I am strong .I am sure I'll get up and emerge as a shining star.Precisely,that's why I call for a new birth So, that I can FORGET all and make things normal for myself and people around me.

God ,give me blesses and love of my family and friends.They have given me lot of support and love and care.I love them all.

From,now on you'll see a new me.. coz now I am DEAD.